So where do I even begin?
Whirlwind. Crazy. Rollercoaster. Hot. Windy. RAIN! Thunder. New mission president. Fasting. Not enough adjectives or any other words to describe the week!
So as you all know my last transfer was indeed a struggle. This transfer is also indeed a struggle. But I'm seeing more growth, maybe because I'm looking for it it's more appartent. But at the same time, I couldn't hide it for much longer. I don't know what to tell yall... long story short, Sister Rosa is an incredible strength to me. She helps me grow and encourages in such a kind and loving way that I don't mind putting myself out there. She can see that I have a lot of doubts and insecurities in myself as a missionary. I start my mission and apparently don't get trained right or completely, suddenly I'm in charge of training a new missionary and have no idea what's going on so we learn things from the ground up, and then I'm training again in a new place that hasn't really seen any missionary work and still don't understand what to do, hoping and praying that I can at least survive so my companion can survive too... thinking how lame it is that suddenly I'm super shy and have this insane fear of talking to people now... yadda yadda lots of doubts. But in her quiet wisdom, she encouraged me to go ask Heavenly Father what my strengths are. I was having a hard day, trying not to show it. But she's smarter than that. I begged Heavenly Father to show me my strengths, help me develop more, and to hold my hand cause I'm not having a fun time being a missionary. Sure there are fun times and good lessons once in a blue moon (our teaching pool is extremely small) but I'm waiting for the morning where I wake up and am excited to be a missionary. I've kind of been reflecting on why I'm out here. Yes, the Gospel blesses families so much and that's what I want for the world! But I'm also here cause I know Heavenly Father wants me to be and I'm here out of fear.
As I was praying, I thanked Heavenly Father for my companion because she truly is an angel. She reminds me of Grandma Newbold who the worst thing that ever came out of her mouth was that someone was a little "o-d-d." Nothing unkind ever escapes Sister Rosa's lips. She will turn anything into something positive. She doesn't get mad. Or irritated. Or discouraged. Outwardly, anyway. She has incredible faith and is wise and spiritual beyond her years. So after I prayed it was the part of companion inventory where we share what we think each other's strengths are. So timely, right? It was so touching and genuine, and I was grateful for that. I felt kind of selfish and lame that I couldn't see those strengths myself. I shared what I thought her strengths were, that she reminded me of Grandma Newbold and that I could literally feel light and the spirit radiating from her. Like I said, she's an angel. The definition of love and charity. Anyway, through all that many tears were shed, but also very necessary. Not good to hide emotions and keep things inside all the time... weird.... After all that we washed our faces (mascara everywhere, make up rubbed off) and got ready again to go enjoy some 4th of July Fesivities. There was a BBQ (feast) at the branch president's house (mansion) where eventually 200 people showed up. All from different YSA branches in the valley. It was fun to walk around and talk to people and ONE OF OUR INVESTIGATORS CAME!!!!!!!!!! Blessing. And we were fed well and enjoyed the weather and company. Of course we couldn't stay for fireworks cause we have to be back at our appartment by 9. However, there was an incredible display of lightning for us to enjoy for the ride home!
The next day was zone training and INTERVIEWS WITH THE NEW MISSION PRESIDENT!!! We interviewed with the mission president and his wife (separately) before the zone training began. New Sister Miller is the sweetest. What can I say. She could tell I am an artist "because of the way I dress." lol. And she's in love with this leather bag I got in Taos at a thrift store for like $7. She went to Taos once and said she'll always remember me because I was in Taos. haha. Taos Taos Taos. Anyway, my turn to visit with New President Miller. First question he asked me was "do you love being a missionary?" Of course I couldn't lie to him and say yes... So I said "sometimes yes, and sometimes no." I'm apparently very transparent or he's inspired or something like that... lol... cause he knew that I was struggling. And he knew what with without me having to say. Self-doubt. So I explain my struggles while trying not to cry.. but of course I cry... and he understands. He told me that as he's been traveling and meeting all the missionaries, the most apparent road block for everyone is self doubt. It's an epidemic in the mission and he really wants and needs us to get rid of it. He counseled me on learning more about the Savior and the Atonement. He said many more wise words of which I greatly appreciated. He said that Satan is attacking harder on those who have the greatest potential.... he said that to ME? I was shocked and flattered... And to end he offered to give me a blessing. WHAT?! Blessing from the mission president?! I only thought that happened if you were deathly ill. Or something. But I accepted and it really helped. He blessed me with a lot of things, but the thing that sticks out the most goes along with what he said about Satan attacking harder on those who have the most potential. In the blessing he said that I am one of Heavenly Father's choicest and elect daughters, he blessed me with the ability to look into my investigators eyes and testify of the truthfulness of the message we share, and an increased capacity to learn. Whoa, right? He blessed me with other things like peace and comfort and energy, but those stuck out the most. So grateful for an inspired blessing from an inspired man.
I'm seeing now more than ever all the growth that I need to achieve. Heavenly Father is allowing me to struggle so I can prove to myself how strong I am. It's so ridiculously hard, but it's doable. I learned in that zone training that Heavenly Father isn't going to do what I can do for myself. But He's also not going to do make us do anything we can't do without His help. President called for a missionwide fast for yesterday to fast for the mission to overcome self doubt and for the members to catch the vision the Bretheren have of the Work of Salvation. The time is now!!! AH! Crazy thought. Anyway, Sister Rosa and I felt that we should fast for 24 hours, or at least close to it. And we did. And I survived. And I was stregthened all day, not feeling too tired or whimpy. I'm slowing gaining a testimony of fasting and am grateful that my body is healthy enough to do that. I'm praying with faith that Heavenly Father will allow us to see miracles in this mission. Miracles soon to come.
As I reflect on the week we had of not doing a whole lot of teaching or having luck with finding new investigators, that's really disappointing. But what I feel like was more important for last week was to learn everything I did and to grow closer to my companion and to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I love that when we center our lives on Christ and becoming like Him, nothing else matters. It's a lifestyle! God is so apparent in our lives. I love being a religious nut. It's so fun. My new dream for the future is to be a religion professor or something like that cause I LOVE the scriptures. Let's see how long that dream will last! lol. Anyway, I've rambled too much. But I hope that I've included some small amount of wisdom and you can still see the growth amongst the stresses... Sorry I'm a downer! But I feel good! For realsies!
PS I picked up the package today at UPS. THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!! I can't wait to smell pretty! lol. My family is just too generous and kind... if that's possible. lol. Yummy taffy too. :) And I'm excited to make some food!
Also, I wish you issue you all a challenge. I want you all to give up ALL junk food for one week and see how you feel and report to me. Ok? Cause I have a testimony of the Word of Wisdom and staying away from things that aren't good for our bodies. My whole last transfer was pretty much void of sugar and junk food and I can't tell you how great I felt physically. Then in this area there were more opportunities to eat it and when I did, especially in large quantities, I didn't like how I felt. It was night and day. So family, will you try this with me and be healthy? I know Heavenly Father will bless you with the strength to overcome tempation. You will feel so alive and well. I know it. It's happened for me, and it WILL happen for you too IF you DO it. Challenge accepted? I hope so! :) MISSIONARY PROMISE = LEGIT!
Ok. I just love you all so much and I feel so much happiness knowing that my family is all strong in the gospel and active and generally darn good people! I love your letters and support and testimonies you share with me weekly. Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedules to think about me and encourage me. I can't thank you enough!
Have a blessed week. :)
MUCH LOVE and OOOOLLLLIIIIIVVVVEEEE YYYYAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOVE,
Sister Hannah Michelle Marie Banana Francis Schieving
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